The Jennifer Blogs

Growing up, I remember my friend’s uncle Dennis. Dennis Dennis. First name - Dennis. Last name - Dennis. No kidding. And my high school boyfriend went to school with a girl named Snow White. My mom told us about a girl she knew growing up by the name of Lula Belle Thigpen. That struck us as funny too. But when I took D’Ette to the doctor the other day, I thought to myself, “Now this man literally has a funny name.”

The sign on the door read: Dr. Michael Ha.

I wonder if his parents had considered naming him twice, like Dennis Dennis’s parents did. Then he’d have been Ha Ha. And if he has a son, they could have named him Mini Ha Ha. (A little family joke.)

As you can tell, the magazines at the doctor’s office weren’t that great. I let my mind wander a bit.

Tonight I met my neighbor Moik in the hot tub. He lives across the hall from me and just moved in with his wife last month. We've never had an opportunity before now to chat.



Moik and his wife Maria are here for about the same amount of time we're here, so it looks like they'll be neighbors for the long-haul. I learned that today Moik and Maria went to Malacca and got some great deals on designer handbags and Polo shirts.


I told Moik we hoped to visit Australia this Christmas, so he was telling me what I needed to know. For instance, don't. Don't go at Christmas cuz it's too freakin' hot. Something like 40 or 42 degrees (which is over 100 degrees Fahrenheit). So yeah, duh, it's on the opposite side of the world from America, so of course. So now we're not sure if we'll wait and go in April or May when it's cooler, or if we'll just go someplace different at Christmas. That Moik. He's a wealth of information.



I just like saying his name. Moik. Moik. Moik. It's actually Mike, but when he says it, it sounds more like Moik and it's too fun to say.

My husband is a safety trainer/consultant. That is why we are in Japan. He is working with a Japanese-owned company on a project they are building in Singapore. This short stint in Japan is for the planning phase of the project. We are leaving April 12th for Singapore for the actual construction. It will take about 2 1/2 years.



That’s the brief history.



Part of my husband’s job is to train people in safety procedures. He has to put together presentations, and often uses Power Point to get his ideas across. Usually he builds his own, but sometimes he is given presentations to "tweak" and make his own. 

Recently he got one from a Japanese colleague. I giggled when he showed me that the presentation he was given said to "crick here" to go to the next page.



*** Please know that I am not making fun of Japanese people or their attempt at speaking our language. Lord knows they can speak English way better than I can speak Japanese. But I’m childish and immature and still laugh at fart jokes.

I am not Japanese, and I hate that every website out there thinks I am! Just because I'm in Japan and my IP address shows that I am in Japan, all these websites I visit think they need to default to Japanese writing. It even occasionally happens on MySpace. I go to log in and can't figure out where I start typing. It's happened enough here, though, that I can maneuver my way through the site to make it go back to English.



Tonight I was updating my books on Good Reads and had to figure out how to do it there. I ended up having to sign out and sign back in again. Not so bad.



Sometimes it also happens on Amazon.com.

It's nice that these websites are trying to be accommodating -- "Let's give her Japanese instead of making her find it on her own." But I wish they'd let me just have my English!



I'm also kind of not happy that every website out there knows my IP address. They know that I'm in Japan, and some websites even discriminate against me because I'm in Japan. For instance, there are some radio stations I can't listen to online because they know I'm in Japan and they don't allow you to listen to them outside the US. Same thing with some TV station websites -- won't let me watch videos because of the same reason.



Oh well. If I could have learned to speak Japanese in my five and a half months here, I would have, but this isn't exactly an easy language to learn. But at least I can order chicken rice and water. I'm keeping fed.

Before moving to Japan I was well aware that the Japanese have a tough time pronouncing the letter "L." It just does not exist in their vocabulary! So, before we moved here, our friend Chris pointed out that we might be coming during their pubric erections (public elections - har har har).

I thought that was hilarious. Then when we got here and found out it really is time to vote in some new officials we realized we really did get here during erection season.



Until today that was one of my favorite Japanese mispronunciations. Tonight we had dinner with a family that I am absolutely IN LOVE WITH! Marso works with the guy whose family we went out with tonight. It was our first time meeting his wife and I have to say that she is my new best friend. She is the Japanese version of me! Seriously! If you've ever heard that Japanese people don't really have a sense of humor, you're right. But they forgot to tell this woman she wasn't supposed to crack jokes. And her husband is exactly the same way!



So anyway, we were talking about music at dinner tonight and she pointed out that her husband does enjoy rock music from America. In fact, he's very fond of Eric Crapton. That's my new favorite mispronunciation!



Crap your hands! Stomp your feet!

Oh boy, did I learn the hard way to double-check my words!



This afternoon I took my mom and the kids to Asakusa. We had a great time and we were tired, but before going home I wanted to go to Akihabara to Tower Records to pick up Tristan Prettyman's new CD. 



I was in Asakusa Station staring at my map trying to figure out the best route when a young Japanese man stopped to help me. Typically when this happens it means that the person stopping to help you speaks a decent amount of English. In this case, he spoke none. But he figured out where I wanted to go and TOOK ME THERE.

No kidding! Mom, D'Ette, Jean-Luc and I followed this guy onto the train and let him take us from Asakusa Station onto the JR line, and then on to Akihabara. I have no clue where he was headed, but this kindness was greatly appreciated.



After he left, my mom said to me, "Jen, it's a good thing you're married! He's hot!" I couldn't believe my 70-year-old mother calling this guy hot! Then D'Ette echoed the sentiments, "Really, Mom! I was thinking the same thing!" I told D'Ette, "Your daddy is all I need." D'Ette was singing in the background, "Can I have TWO daddies?" Then she told me, "Maybe we'd better not tell Daddy about this. He was hitting on you." I tried to explain that people here are always very helpful and that he did it because he was kind. Not because he was hitting on me.



I got his business card and wrote him a thank you email this evening. I wanted to thank him for his kindness and asked for an address where I could send a gift of appreciation. Then I thought how nice it would be if I would translate it for him. So I used Google to find a page that translates text. I typed in my text and voila - there it was - in Japanese! How cool is THAT? So I typed up the email to this guy - first pasting the Japanese text, followed by the English text below it. Then I hit SEND. 



You'd think I'd have these great ideas BEFORE hitting the SEND button. Nope! I decided AFTER I sent it to translate it back to English. So I copied the Japanese text and pasted it into the box and clicked TRANSLATE from Japanese to English. 



Oh boy! That isn't really at all what I wanted to say! Too late now. Next time Ueda-san opens his email he will see that please I want to send you something, and that I signed my letter AFFECTIONATELY, Jen. What th'??? I did NOT sign it that way!!! I hope he finds someone to translate the original for him. LOL



Now this guy will think I am stalking him, for sure. Oh well. You live, you learn. And if he replies now, should I be worried?

That means "My name is Jen" in Japanese. Beyond that, I can't speak a whole lot of Japanese. 

I can order chicken rice, not that I want to. The chicken is too fatty and is quite often dark meat (I prefer white meat). 

I can answer the phone ("moshi moshi"). 

I can say Thank You (arigato), Good evening (kon bon wa), and count from 1 to 10. That's about it.



So when the phone rang the other day and a Japanese woman started talking to me, I was certain she had the wrong telephone number. She asked me at one point, in English, if I speak Japanese. I told her in English, "Very, very little." So she kept trying to get her point across to me in English. I just knew she was going to try to sell me something, but I finally figured out she was delivering something to my house and wanted to make sure I would be home and would have the cash for the C.O.D.



I think a lot of Japanese people speak more English than they let on. It's my opinion they are worried that if they start to speak a little English that I will assume they must know a lot of English. That's precisely why I don't try to speak Japanese. I just know they are going to think, "Oh, good! She speaks Japanese." Then they will go on and on and on in Japanese and I will be left standing there with question marks over my head.



Those who do speak pretty good English like to practice on us, though. Tonight on the subway D'Ette sat next to a Japanese man who looked to be in his 40s (which means he's probably 70 - they look so GOOD over here!). He told her that her brother looks like Harry Potter and that her father looks like Santa Claus! 

I had to laugh out loud! Although Jean-Luc might be able to pass in Japan as Harry Potter (minus the British accent and magic wand), my husband looks NOTHING like Santa Claus! (I did, however, use that as an excuse to tell him he'd better back away from the all-you-can-eat curry buffet he's been frequenting on his lunch breaks). 



Before we came here I had these visions of taking Japanese lessons. However, as difficult as it is to learn this language, by the time we leave I will only just be figuring out the basics. I spoke with a friend of mine the other day (Beth). She is an American living in Tokyo. She has been here 10 years and agrees that I won't be here long enough for it to be worth my time taking Japanese lessons. So for now I will learn a few key phrases and when I don't know what someone is saying to me I will look at them quizzically, like they look at me when they don't know what I'm saying.



Still, it would be nice to communicate with those people here who I am growing fond of. Strange, but I really love the girl at the dry cleaners. I found out her name tonight, but I will spare myself the embarrassment of trying to spell it. She speaks very little English, and all I can say to her that she understands is "nori" (starch). I also really like the people at Starbucks. They stopped and talked to Beth and me the other evening for several minutes. Beth had to translate where she could, but I would loved to have been able to talk to them as well. They were so friendly and genuinely nice people.



I know we're leaving here this March to head to Singapore for two years, but if God allows us to come back to Tokyo, I want to come back -- and next time maybe I'll be here long enough to learn the language.