The Jennifer Blogs

Momma? I'm comin' home! Bittersweet words right now, really.

It was in September, 2007 I had to say goodbye to my friends and family in the US. We packed nearly everything we owned into two suitcases a piece and boarded a 747 headed to Tokyo. It was the beginning of an incredible international journey that is coming to a close. Sort of.

The job that landed us in Japan and then Singapore is about over. The next chapter is about to begin, but things are a little different this time. This time the job offer is for "single status," meaning the company only pays for him to stay in Singapore. The kids and I have to move back to the US. Well, we don't have to move back, but it really is the best thing right now. I'll save those gory details for a future blog, but suffice it to say that there has been a lot of talking, crying, doubting, praying, research and thought that has gone into this decision. We have gone from talking about an extended US vacation for me and the kids to moving back to the US.

When we talked through every point we could imagine, it boiled down to schooling. The kids' education is really the most important thing right now. Neither one is doing very well in the homeschool environment. The Boy will be finished with his junior year of high school in about three weeks. His future plans include the military. It is important for him to spend his final year of high school taking Driver's Ed, getting his first job and talking to recruiters. He also needs to study for and pass the ASVAB. The Girl somehow managed to fail ninth grade with all A's. (See? I told you this was going to have to wait for another blog. Very complicated stuff.)

My parents moved to Florida from upstate NY when I was a sophomore in high school. It was three months before my 16th birthday. I was devastated. I have always wanted to go back, but there has never been an opportunity. It's not that there aren't any jobs. It's just that they're all in the wrong industry. The schools in upstate NY are some of the best in the nation and given that The Girl really needs to be challenged right now, we felt like this would be the best place for her.  She will repeat ninth grade and get to start high school with her peers, rather than enter high school at a higher grade when all the "rules" have been established. This should be easier for her socially.

The way the job works is, every three months he gets to come home for two weeks. Now that's a really long flight to make so frequently, but we figure that he can come home for a couple of weeks the first time, then I can go back to Singapore. The next time, maybe we'll meet in the "middle." We'll just take turns so that it's more manageable and he doesn't have to do all the travel all the time. My friend Deanna is in Belgium, so we've already decided that the first time we meet up, that will be our "half way point."

It was a really tough decision to not move to Florida. My parents are there and my dad has Parkinson's disease. I want to spend as much time as possible making up for the missed years while I was in Asia. But as it turns out, Mom & Dad are also kind of keen on moving back to New York State. There's a chance I'll get to help them make that move after I get home.

The little details are still not worked out quite yet, but I do know that very soon - near the beginning of June - D'Ette and I will be coming back to the US. We will fly into Buffalo and spend a few days looking at rental homes. I will have to buy a car.

Holy cow! You know what just dawned on me? I not only have to buy a car, but I need to buy towels and dishes and small appliances. I need to buy everything! When I say we sold (or gave away) almost everything we owned, I wasn't kidding. I have a few boxes at my mom's house (including a couple of Pampered Chef stoneware dishes), but I literally got rid of everything! I'll need to get dishes and pots and pans and towels and food storage containers and silverware and a toaster and microwave. Oh. My. Gosh. I actually love shopping for that kind of stuff, but when you have to buy it all at once? This may be a little overwhelming. (Breathe, Jen.  Breeaatthhheeee.)

Anyway, as I was saying ... once I have rented a house and bought a car, D'Ette and I will fly to Florida. We will go see my parents and all my "adopted" family in Lakeland. A trip to Lakeland is long overdue! We'll spend some time there with people who are dearer to our hearts than I could possibly put into words. I'll get to see Mom & Dad. Mom will be full of questions about how to do this or that on FarmVille and I will have to put her leash on and take her out for a walk to calm her down. During the visit, I'll go through all the things I stored at Mom and Dad's place and get a mover to give me an estimate on how long it'll take and what it'll cost me to get my measly few boxes to New York. It's going to be too much to ship, but really too little to hire a moving van, but I really don't think I'll be up for making the drive. I do love a road trip, but when you're the only one doing all the driving, it's not as much fun.

Somewhere in there I also have to make a trip to Louisiana to see the girls, the babies and my mother-in-law.

Then it'll be back to New York. About six weeks after I have found a place, all my stuff from Singapore will arrive. We don't have a lot to ship home, but I have done a little bit of shopping during the Asian Tour. I picked up a couple of vases and some linens. Then there are my books and clothes and all that other stuff you tend to collect as you spend a few years in one place.

There's so much to look forward to when coming home. It's going to be tough living the next couple of years of my life essentially as a single mom, but I know it's what's best for both kids and for our family as a whole. It'll be hard with him in Singapore and me in the US. But I'll have my childhood friends, my extended family in Lakeland (who had BETTER come visit me in Buffalo!) and New York pizza to keep me company. And beef on weck. And real Buffalo wings. And Target. And Taco Bell. And driving on the right side of the road. And people who call it a "trunk" instead of the "boot."

So ... who's ready?

In just one month I'll be sitting in seat 43A on Singapore Flight 62. I can't tell you how incredibly excited I am about this trip home!

I'm looking forward to the reunion in Louisiana, cooler temperatures and some amazing Cajun food!

Florida will also offer cooler temperatures (when you've lived on the equator, even Florida can feel chilly), great friends and cherished time with the family.

Singapore is a fairly western nation, so mostly everything we want is available -- for a price. There are still a lot of things that are not available here, though, and I'm looking forward particularly to the summer salad from Crispers, the chicken noodle soup from Panera Bread, fajitas from Tapatias, Diet Cherry Coke, a traditional American breakfast, Florida French toast from First Watch, anything from Cracker Barrel and a Strawberry Lime Aid from Sonic.

We may make a trip to Disney. If there's a shuttle launch while we're home, we may try to catch that. But it's not going to be about "doing things" while we're home as much as it is going to be about seeing people and spending time with those we miss. Probably over a meal.

This trip may also include a trip to New York. That's still up in the air, but if I go, it'll be great to see friends I haven't seen in 20 years or longer. I'd also love to make it up to see a new friend, Brig, who celebrates her birthday right around the same time I celebrate mine. New York used to seem so far away from Florida. Now that I'm living something like 10,000 miles from home, New York and Florida seem like neighbors and it would be a shame not to make the trip while I'm in the country.

We'll try to see everyone while we're home, but it always seems to be that we can't squeeze everything in. It's amazing how a month seems like SO. MUCH. TIME. until you have to try to squeeze everything you want to do into those 30 days and all of a sudden you're wondering why you only planned for one month!

I'm hoping this next month flies by, but that the month after that drags on. That would be ideal. But in reality, I'm sure these next four weeks will seem like eight and the following four will feel more like two.

Time to start making lists! Things to do, places to go, people to see! I can't wait!

This blog is in response to a quote I read -- something Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks reportedly said:


"I don't understand the necessity for patriotism. Why do you have to be a patriot? About what? This land is our land? Why? You can like where you live and like your life, but, as for loving the whole country... I don't see why people care about patriotism."



Let me first say that I have been a *big* fan of the Dixie Chicks' music. I'm not going to go burn their CDs or try to get people to boycott their music. I just think what Natalie said was stupid. 

I was *blessed* to be born in the USA. I could have been born in any country on Earth. Growing up I would sometimes think these really deep thoughts (deep for an 11 or 12 year old, anyway). What if I had been born in India? Or Ethiopia? Dang Sally Struthers and her pleas for money in foreign lands where children were starving while I got all the macaroni & cheese I wanted, straight from the box. Sometimes with a hot dog, even. I would honestly ponder this at night while I was laying in my comfy queen size bed after watching my very own TV.



Usually the feelings of gratitude would quickly pass. I'd fall asleep thinking how lucky I was to have been born in the greatest country on Earth, but wake up thinking about a boy I had a crush on.



Later in life I thought about it less and less. I started to believe I deserved certain things - clothes and shoes, privileges, an education, etc - because I was a white girl born in America. I mean, that's not what I thought on the surface, but that's pretty much what it boiled down to. I never thought about the fact that those things weren't rights. They were privileges. And I was seriously taking advantage of them.



Fast forward to now. I left the US for Tokyo in September, 2007. After living in Japan for a couple of months, we got to go home for Christmas. Then it was back to Japan for a few more months before the Singapore move in April, 2008. In a little more than two months I will have lived abroad for a year. I have never been more homesick in my entire life.



These past couple of weeks have been really bad for me. I miss my friends and my family. I miss my dogs. I miss my church. I miss the familiarity of life. Not just the food (we actually can get Kraft Mac N Cheese here, but it is outrageously expensive). I miss driving on the right side of the road. I miss understanding how the bank works. I miss knowing how to pay my bills. I miss being in the same time zone with all the people I want to talk to. The kids miss public school with their friends, and Tae Kwon Do and sleepovers. I miss small group and Tuesday meetings and my candle parties. I miss knowing how to do my banking. I miss talking to people I understand who also understand me. I miss English words (it's a TRUNK, not a BOOT). I miss money that I can identify quickly as being a quarter or a dime. I miss being allowed to browse in the mall without being attacked by every sales associate. I miss going to the post office and understanding their shipping rates.



Don't get me wrong. Singapore is awesome! There are a ton of things I love about this country. Just the fact that we get to be here - the experience - is such an amazing opportunity. But I miss my country. I miss my people. I've never been to Nevada, but if I were to meet someone tomorrow who grew up in Las Vegas, they'd feel like my next door neighbor and they'd probably become my new best friend.



My friend Ruth sent me a video while I was still in Japan. It was of the Blue Angels doing a fly-over and dropping a large American flag. I cried like a baby when I saw the Stars & Stripes. I've never cried at our flag. Until you've been away from your country and have had to learn "how they do it over here," you can't fully understand what it means to love your country.



My friend Robin married a Canadian who recently - finally - became an American. I think I'm prouder of him and happier for him than anyone else (except Robin).

One thing about Singapore, too, is that their government owns the media. In other words, every newspaper, TV station, radio station, etc is run by the Singaporean officials. You cannot say anything against them on TV or radio. You can't speak out against what they're doing or question them in any way. The people here don't seem to mind either. You can't complain to businesses if you are treated unfairly. People here just don't complain if they get bad service, a fly in their soup, or anything else that might cause a person in the US to file a lawsuit. Here you can't even talk to a manager about it.



My mom and dad were both in the Army. Both my brothers served in the US Navy. My husband was in the Army. I went to college. I know that people I'm very close to have served our country, yet it never meant to me what it does now -- now that I am so far away from the familiarity of the United States of America. So far away from Wal*Mart, Target, Panera Bread, Church of the Highlands, I-4, The Gulf of Mexico, Cows, Suggestion Boxes.



Still, I know we're here for a purpose. We aren't really sure what that is at that point, but we'll figure it out. And this weekend my friend Alicia has advised me to hit the Fourth of July festivities here in Singapore. It'll be a slice of America and I'm not gonna miss it! I only wish Natalie Maines could have been here every step of the way. Maybe, just maybe she'd tear up when the Star Spangled Banner plays and the fireworks explode overhead. I know I will. God Bless America.