The Jennifer Blogs

I ran into an old friend the other day. Not entirely accurate, but in this digital age someone finding you on a social networking site is as good as running into them, right? 

Anyway, to the point. This "old friend" explained to me that he is not married, but he is seeing someone. It's his girlfriend of nine years. NINE YEARS! As he was updating me on the past 15 or so years of his life, he then went on to say that his first marriage failed, as did his current girlfriend's, so they didn't see the need to "have the piece of paper."



To me, that's the problem. That's why marriages don't work. Too many people see them as "just a piece of paper." Forgive me, but I think this idea about marriage is freakin' stupid.


I promised before God, my family and friends to love, honor, obey and cherish my husband as long as we both shall live. I didn't take those vows lightly. And the fact that so many people think the paper is the important part are sadly mistaken. What about all the things that come before the signing of the paper?



Choosing the person you want to spend the rest of your life with shouldn't be taken lightly. But the fact that so many people joke around about, "she's my future ex-wife" and similar statements, shows me that a lot of people do take marriage lightly. They figure that if it doesn't work out, they'll try, try again.



Or not in my friend's case. Instead he falls under the belief that since the first one didn't work out, why bother? Let's just date for as long as we can stand each other and then when it doesn't work out, there's nothing messy in the end. We can live together, sleep together and do what other married couples do. Who needs "the paper?"



I guess I need the paper. And for the life of me, I can't see why any woman out there wouldn't want "the paper." There are so many promises that come with marriage. Are people afraid of making promises they can't keep? In the back of their minds, do people think, "What if someone better comes along?" Or is it more like, "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?" Or maybe it's the fear of divorce.



My parents are still married - 37 years this June. So I don't have a lot of first-hand experience with divorce. My older brother recently got divorced, though, and I know how ugly it can be. I have friends who have also gone through divorce. And I am not my husband's first wife either. So I do have some insight and apathy. But I wonder why people would go into a relationship thinking, "what if it doesn't work out?" Why not instead tell yourself that no matter what, you'll make it work? Why not instead adopt the policy that you will work on your marriage every day of your life, protect against divorce before the thought of it ever has a chance to enter your mind?



Yes, marriage takes work. It's not all daisies and puppies and rainbows. But when I got married, my husband and I became one. I cannot for the life of me imagine myself without him. It would be like losing a limb. If I thought I might lose an arm or leg, I'd do whatever I had to do to keep it -- surgery, therapy, prayer, diet, exercise, you name it. So why not the same with your marriage -- do whatever you have to do to save it, and preferably before it's too late.



And here's the part where I thank God for unanswered prayers, and Garth Brooks for an appropriate song. This "old friend" is actually my ex-fiance. He broke up with me one month before our wedding was supposed to occur. I was 18. I was devastated. But I went to college and moved on with my life while he went on with his in the US Air Force. Two and a half years later, for some reason, he called me out of the blue before he was to come home on leave. He wondered if I thought of him as much as he thought of me, and wanted to know if I would marry him when he came home. I said yes. So in one week's time my mother and I planned a wedding. He broke up with me again - the day before. I have to say that I'm so glad that God saved me from what would have probably been a horrible marriage. I'm sure he's a nice guy -- he was always a nice guy -- but quite obviously our views on marriage are completely different.



And here it is one week exactly before my 7th anniversary with my husband. I have to say I love him every much as the day I married him, and more. I am completely happy and grateful that God put this man in my life. I was 29 when I got married, but it was definitely worth the wait!